WHY I’M CHOOSING TO SIT AROUND THE DINNER TABLE

Seated at the solid mahogany dining table, I looked around at my boyfriend’s family. Flanked by three generations, I felt an overwhelming sense of belonging. It was just like having a meal with my own relatives. Carving the meat at the head of the table was my boyfriend’s mum, Linda, a strong, flame-haired Yorkshire woman with a warm smile, who made me feel a part of the family from the word go. As the family's very own head chef and Maître d' all in one, she echoed my own mum, Lesley.

My boyfriend and I were both raised in households with similar attitudes to family dining. The matriarchs presided over mealtimes, with dinner always being the focal point of the day. It was more than a plate of hot food, it was precious time to catch up - our parents always ensured everyone gathered together at the table after a busy day apart. But, after moving into our own place and marrying in 2015, we quickly lost sight of this reassuring constant in our lives.

Our evenings began to consist of binge-watching Breaking Bad while tucking into our dinners on trays. This wasn’t because we didn't have a dining table or because we were only eating takeaways and ready meals, the arrangement just became habit. We thought, why we would go to the trouble of setting the table when we could relax together on a comfortable sofa and catch up on a favourite show, after a long day at work?

But if there was one thing that could lure us away from the screen, it was always the promise of Linda or Lesley’s hearty, home-cooked meals. Dinner with my parents, in the home I grew up in, gave me that warming glow of nostalgia. The mere scent of my mum’s cottage pie transported me back to fond childhood memories of being called in to gather around the 'big table' for dinner (always at 5.30pm and not a second later).

Dinner with my mother-in-law, Linda, was much the same, and I always admired her tablescaping skills and distinctive tableware, like the vintage glass trifle bowl and oversized terracotta dish with a chipped handle. When she passed away in 2015, a huge void was left in our lives - the memories held in those familiar pieces of dinnerware hold even more significance now.

A couple of years later, my husband and I had our first child, followed closely by our second. We decided we wanted to give our children the same warm, family-focussed experience both Linda and Lesley had offered us. This unofficial 'passing of the baton' felt like a way to honour both our mothers, paying tribute to how they raised us.

Those first few table-dinners required concerted effort from my husband and I, to pull away from the comfort of the television. The habit certainly didn't fall into place over night. But over time, sitting at the table slowly became second nature as we eased into more of a routine.

Now, five years on, family meals give us time together where we can talk, without screens, toys, and other distractions. Sitting around the same table has encouraged our children to learn the art of adult conversation and interaction.

As many parents will know, trying to get information from a four-year-old and a six-year-old about what they have done at school that day can be like trying to get blood out of a stone. But by sitting together, the conversation often naturally segues and offers space to share details we might not otherwise have. A dinner-table conversation each evening also means it's easier to identify if something is ‘off’ with them.

While family mealtimes aren’t always elaborate dishes served in our best tableware, the dinner table has become the beating heart of our home and somewhere we now seek after a long day. Whether it’s a frozen pizza, mismatched crockery or eaten-in-haste pasta before the kids go to a club on the other side of town, it’s not about the aesthetics. This is real life, not Instagram.

Of course, it’s not always practical for the whole family to eat together every single evening - life gets in the way. But we make an effort to sit together when we can and carving out the time to do this, gives us back so much more.

I hope our children look back on family mealtimes in the years to come with the same fondness we do. And when they grow up and find partners of their own, I hope I can channel some of Linda’s warmth and boundless generosity to make them feel as welcome as she made me feel at family dinners, all those years ago.

2024-02-21T15:02:35Z dg43tfdfdgfd